Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
