I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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