drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
