If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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