I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
