You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
