Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
