im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
