Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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