If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
