She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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