there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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