You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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