Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
