Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
