when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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