You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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