that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
