then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
