so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
