thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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