I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
