I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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