my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
