Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
