Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
