I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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