You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
