my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
