I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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