Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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