Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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