Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
