once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sober January is a disaster.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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