I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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