i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
