This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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