my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
