Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
