he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
