not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
