I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
