They should really pass out barf bags in church
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Come see our sink grown plant.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
