What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
