I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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