my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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