jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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