i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
