her vagine was all disorganized.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
