I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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