omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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