Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
