Do you still have your period?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
