I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
