break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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