happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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