so that wasnt chicken after all
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
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I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I did not marry a roomba.
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