I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
