okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
