Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
