I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
