Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
