you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
