I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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