Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
