i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
