I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
