One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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