dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
