There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You left your phone here
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