Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I AM VODKA MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize