And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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