We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am one with the molecules
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
