This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have post one night stand depression
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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