somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
