I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
