Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
