Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
